Writer Wednesday: "The Secret"

She sat in the backroom of the store. Her hands by her side, but throbbing with such intensity she didn’t know if she would be able to calm them. The safest place for them to be would be at her sides and nowhere near the hundreds of shoes that lined the shelves and racks, inventory everywhere.

Her heart, had anyone been near enough, could be heard from across the room, her cotton blanched v-neck trembling with the rumble of the rhythm and the beat. Tears had welled up in her eyes, full of so many emotions each tear, were it to fall across her cheeks would carry a different label: hurt, sadness, pain, anger. The list could go on and on, but she had hidden away so deeply amongst the stacks so no one could find her. It was a blind spot amongst the boxes where people would have to know it were there to be able to find it. It was even hard to just happen upon it. She had found it on one of her first days working there. She had a knack for the secret spots.

Like the one out deep on the trail across from the train tracks. A good little run for most, and totally worth it when you saw the sunrise or sunset from the spot. Swept up in colors galore; purples, reds, oranges, yellow, all covering you in the freshness of the day beginning or ending. He had shown her that secret spot. It was theirs.

This day though, her secret spot was little solace. She bent down into a squat and hugged her knees tight; hoping if she squeezed tight enough the tears would retreat back into her eyes. All she was trying to do was live her life and today, of all days, everything had to come crashing down.

She thought it was just a mirage. It had happened that way before, walking into her line of sight and refusing to leave. This mirage, had to be noticed, had to be seen. Did it just feel her heart rip from her chest when she saw him? Could she not hide the emotions in front of him that way?

She never could before, when they weren’t such hurtful emotions. She could lay them out there for everyone to see, the beautiful, positive, wondrous emotion would flow through her veins and emanate for everyone to gain from.

She had struggled as of late to keep that positivity in her life. She missed it. She missed herself. Where had she gone?

And on this day as that mirage had walked through the creaking front door of her life, she wondered if she could even stay upright.

Her knees slowly started to lose feeling as she was still squatting on the floor of the backroom, tears had already released and a pool of them laid at her feet and graffiti-ed her legs. The mirage couldn’t win this one. The mirage had been bigger this time, bringing along more than itself, too many horrible memories and feelings. It was hard, but she stood up. That was the only way to keep going. Stand up, put one foot out and then the other. She wouldn’t make herself smile, or even pretend she was ok. She didn’t even have to pretend to be nice that day either. She would just go about her business. She left the solitude and security of that secret place, and she walked on, not knowing what was next. But if she kept moving, she’d get somewhere sooner or later.