Giving up or giving in: A recapture in parts.

PART ONE:

So. Where to begin? This last year and half or so has been like most others of yours I’m sure; with ups and downs and loops and turns, things never the same, never to plan. The last thing that went to plan in all honesty was my last long run before my most recent marathon. That was the last fully positive, fully there moment I have had. My mind has wandered and ventured and only now am I becoming more fully focused and feeling more alive. But I still have a few more twists, turns and miles to go.

I have thought about giving up. Everything. In the middle of a really hard hill, only a mile into a run, not doing that extra stride, or not even getting out the door.

But even beyond running. Just giving up; moving on, leaving, and never looking back.

I haven’t said that to anyone. And I just shared it with albeit not many, everyone who is reading this right now.

To be honest, I lost the love of a lot of things. I lost that feeling of pure joy, excitement, and wonder. Not just in running, but in everything. I didn’t like reading for readings sake anymore. I didn’t like talking to people. I just wanted to sit in my sweats on the couch, creeping on Instagram, avoiding Facebook, and watching old episodes of “How I Met Your Mother.”

Van One at start of Hood to Coast

Ok—Roll back a few months. Like almost a full year.

Swifts ready to roll at H2C

A year ago, I was running high mileage, working full-time, enjoying the sunshine, and reading on the lake, loving life. My left knee started giving me some troubles on a few runs, but I felt I had fixed the problem. Travelling to Portland in August, I was lucky enough to participate in what should be on all runners’ bucket lists, The Hood-to- Coast relay. I think more that anything I just didn’t stretch on my time out of the car. I let my hamstrings and legs get overly tight and then being in the car for nearly eighteen hours over a 72 hour period… well… it’ll get ya. Beyond the knee though, I was lucky to make many new friends. Running is so awesome in that we all have the same goal in mind- be better. You might not make it today, but you will definitely get there one day, just keep on keeping on. I'll have a separate post on Hood to Coast later. 

My people.

Not only was my left knee acting up, but also my left hip started to ache, and yell and scream at me. I had a marathon in October. I had training partners pushing me. I had workouts that were getting frustrating and relentless. I stopped on a long run and I walked. I hadn’t walked on a run in—forever. I had quit. But not everything yet. I had a lot more to do, to accomplish, to get through. 

My last long, hard training run before the Spokane Marathon was to be epic. Planned. 

To be continued... 

The suspense is killing me!