March 12.

This was hastily written this morning. I woke up early, and the words just flew from fingers to keys. So i apologize for grammatical errors and run-ons sentences. I am going for a run now. And it has been exactly a year, and I miss him everyday. 

The whole bed was vibrating, and it should have been her alarm, but she didn’t remember it being this dark yesterday. Her phone was lighting up from underneath her comforter as her arm groped and prodded for the energy source. Her head was groggy and under-slept, and her eyes were swollen from the previous week’s happenings. It had been a tough road to follow. She had gotten the call on a Thursday, one of those Thursday’s that really meant nothing to anyone else, but in the back of her own mind she remembered another day almost nine years before. But that was another day.

Finding the phone, instinctively, even with closed eyes, she brought the phone to her face, taking more than just a second to register that she wasn’t turning of her alarm for a blessed nine more minutes of sleep. It was a phone call. One she had been expecting.

It was a night she had finally allowed herself to sleep; she had relaxed and gone to bed early. Only having been back in her own bed for less than one day, she had been sleeping on her maternal grandparents floor for the last few nights.

After that initial phone call, she had gotten in the car and drove straight to the hospital on the other side of the state. She had been at work, when she got the call. And her workplace was always bright, the windows shone against the sun that day, but upon hanging up that phone, things dimmed. And her drive across the state was a race against the sunset, the fading into night. When she walked into that room, the lights were turned off, there were no noises or beeps or tubes. There were the deep raspy breaths of her grandfather lying in the bed in the middle of the room, and the sniffling of her family surrounding him. Her uncle was the first to reach her. He seemed so much smaller that day, he was always a muscled man, but today his eyes were tired and darkened. His arms reached around her and he sank into her, too tired to stand up, but standing just the same.

The breath resonated through the room and down the hall. It hurt, it ached. Words would never be able to describe the pain that was rolling through that room.

She sat there for three days. Through the breaths. She brought coffee and treats for the family, as the reminisced and shared stories, some had never been heard. Through smiling lips, with raised cheeks trying to block the tears from falling. Barricades soon broken as laughter ensued from the time the breathing man, outran everyone down and around the block, in faded khakis, and untied leather shoes. He even turned and ran backwards down the gravel road.

Tears streamed down her face, but they all had them. Her uncle squeezed her hand.

It was not her alarm, it was her dad. She had gotten home the day before, and gone straight to work, needing something to keep her mind off of everything. She worked through, stacking boxes, restocking shelves, laughing with customers.

“Hey honey-bear, he left us. I walked out of the room for just a minute, and when I came back. It was very peaceful.”

She spoke softly in return, and hung up the phone. Climbing out of bed, she slipped on her shoes and walked out the door. Her legs floated down the street, the light brimming and coming up slowly. She wasn’t needed at work til early afternoon, so she could run all morning.

Her cadence increased and she round the familiar neighborhoods and down hills and through stoplights. At points she would sprint, keeping form, and flinching under the increasing lactic acid formation throughout her back and limbs.

She got to the tree, and leaned. She breathed deep and let the tears fall to the ground. And her knees soon followed. She stayed there until the light gleamed and glittered through the trees, against the dew and tear soaked grass. She stood up, not even bothering to wipe the dirt away, it caked her legs. Hands on her hips, her head swiveled around the park. And she ran, backwards towards the swings. Tripping over her feet, she fell to the ground again, and her tears came with it, but this time bordered with a whole lot of laughter. 

No longer dim and dark, she ran back home.