Vulnerable

I don’t know why, but this has been a topic that has come up quite often over the last several weeks. Not until today though, did I really start to think about it.

What does it mean to be vulnerable?

When I think of vulnerability, one word comes to mind: raw. Openness, communication, happiness, scared, anxious, fearful are also terms that could come to mind as well, but raw I think encapsulates the whole of the term. Several times over, maybe not several, but a couple at least, I have heard this word come up. Vulnerable. Open. Aware.

It is something I definitely struggle with. I mean we have all had those times where we feel comfortable enough to open up, and do so only to come toppling down, because we’ve been cut, burned or worse.

I have found that I am more attracted to the people more vulnerable in this world. Not in an intimate or romantic state, but that I want to cultivate a relationship, I want to learn from them. Unfortunately when we hear the word relationship anymore it has come also with the term romantic, which there are those relationships, but your interaction with everyone can be a relationship with them. But I feel like that is getting off track. Or is it? Haha… Off track, get it? I’m a hipster runner? Ok… Sorry.

I want to emulate that vulnerability. I want to be open to it. I want to learn to be that again. Instead sometimes I feel numb to everything, like a protective coping mechanism. So I have to make an entirely conscious effort to be open and share things that I might not want to always, or that may or may not hurt me in the long run.

Yesterday I had a conversation with someone that really scared me. But in a good way. I talked about things I haven’t talked about in a long time. Things that used to make me sob and cry at the mere thought of them. This time I fought back tears and smiled through them. I made light of things and made fun of the fact that I felt that way once: open, raw, vulnerable.

And then I realized, I need to relearn some stuff. I need to love myself again. If I am making fun of myself for having feelings, how am I going to make it?

So stop making fun of yourself. Start loving yourself instead. Be open to new things. Try a new cup of coffee. Believe you can make it one more mile at that pace. Talk about something that hurts, because odds are someone else feels the same way.